Untidying Yourself
A recent headline stopped us in our tracks, but you might be surprised to learn what it was. There among the daily headlines of messy politics and ongoing global turmoil we learned that Marie Kondo says she’s given up on tidying! What?!? Wasn’t that her thing? She had built an entire empire being known as a “professional tidier” and now she says, “My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time is the right way for me at this time, at this stage of my life.” After getting over the initial shock of this news, we decided perhaps we needed to take a page from Marie’s playbook and we began asking ourselves:
Is it time to ditch the idea that we must define ourselves by what brought us joy yesterday
if it no longer does today?
Did you know?
Our perception of the past is often tinted with rose colored glasses thanks to a well-studied cognitive bias called rosy retrospection. In short, when we think about the past, we are more likely to focus on positive generalities than the actual messy details of an event, person, or place. As a result, we tend to romanticize the past as better than today.
In addition to our rosy memories of yesterday keeping us tethered to the past, we also often hold assumptions and unconscious thoughts that lead to what is referred to as “immunity to change”. According to psychologist, Robert Kegan and Harvard professor, Lisa Laskow Lahey, who coined this term, these assumptions (even if they are unconscious) create "competing commitments" that can counteract our commitment to a particular change, thus further keeping us locked into the same behavioral patterns over and over.
As if we did not have enough challenges to prevent us from making changes in our lives thanks to dynamics like rosy retrospection and immunity to change, women are more likely to report having a fear of failure compared to men. Yep, this fear is often the final ingredient in our don’t-change-a-thing-cakes we seem to be perpetually baking. Ironically, this can keep women from trying new career paths because we are worried we will not live up to the ideal of being a successful woman.
Our Ditty Duh Moment
There are many forces at play keeping us doing the same thing over and over… but even so, we can redirect our energy to new things if we so choose.
We do not need to be defined by what we did last year, last week, yesterday, or even 5 minutes ago. Afterall, if Marie Kondo can release her endless tidying quest, can’t we give up some of those things we have long identified ourselves by, but that no longer serve us?
From considering career changes, relationship evolutions, to mindset shifts (for us this includes reconsidering our “polite perfectionism” or our “fix-it-for-everyone-fastidiousness”) there are always things that we may need to let go of from yesterday in order to become who we want to be today.
So…we think it is time to DITCH the idea that we need to do what we did yesterday. Just because it worked for us then, does not mean it works for us now.
An Invitation to Dabble with Ditching:
In thinking about what you might want to change in your own life, consider using the steps from Immunity to Change framework to:
Identify something you want to change
Describe the behavior you need to change
Uncover your hidden competing commitments
Tease out your big assumptions
Test your big assumptions
To lean into the notion of “un-tidying yourself” play with small experiments that disrupt your habitual self. Perhaps this includes things such as:
Wear something “unlike” your typical style
Have breakfast for dinner
Drive a new route to work
Go for a walk somewhere you have never been before
Call a friend you have not spoken with in over a year
Listen to a totally random podcast you know nothing about
Try something new at your favorite takeout restaurant
Experiment asking yourself the new question that Marie Kondo is posing to herself and others: “What if every decision you made, every goal you set and every aspect of your life was guided by what sparks joy?”
Yours in Loving Irreverence,
The Ditty-Ditching Divas | Lindsey, Molly & Miriam
